Some cows view each day as the last roundup,others, merely as another opportunity to stampede.
Most cows view the new day as an exciting new opportunityto eat grass and point in the same direction as the other cows.
Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger?
I'd rather have him chase the tiger.
What did the pig say when he found a line of ants in his trough? "Mmm. Canapes."
What's a moo hoo for a darling bull? A dear steer!
If you drop this book in a pig pen, what should you do? Take the words out of their mouths.
How to Hunt Elephants -- QA StyleQuality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and lookfor mistakes the other hunters made when they were packingthe jeep.
Which rabbit was a famous female aviator? Amelia Harehart.
Who is the bees favourite singer ?
Sting !
Q: Why are frogs so happy?
A: They eat whatever bugs them!
What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ? Jail-birds !
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar..................
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread? Sent by Duncan
What is the most faithful insect ?
A flea, once they find someone they like they stick to them !
Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant's toes?
A: Slow clowns.
Q. What did the dog say when he sat on sand paper?
A. "Rough rough".
What should you call a bald teddy ? Fred bear !
This horse walks in to a bar and asks for a bit to eat!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender. "If i show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house?" "We'll See," says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but i'll need to see more." "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River." A patron jups up from mhis table and shouts "Thats's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog." "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune." "Not really," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist."
What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar ?
A sourpuss !
Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent ? A snake in the brass !
Why wouldn't the sow let her piglets play with toads? She didn't want them to grow into wart hogs.
What do you call a bull that's sent overseas by boat? Shipped beef!
Which bird ran for President?
H. Ross Parrot
What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A petticoat !
How do you know that cats are sensitive creatures?
They never cry over spilt milk !
Where do milk shakes come from?
Nervous cows!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !
What do you call an unusual rabbit? A rare hare.
Q: What goes "krab, krab, krab"? - A: A dog barking in a mirror.
First Kangaroo: If you were surrounded by 30 lions, 25 elephants and 10 hippos, how would you get away from them?
Second Kangaroo: Step off the merry-go-round.
A robber was robbing a house when he heard a voice. "Jesus is watching you!" "who's there?" The robber said But no sound was heard. So he kept going and he heard it two more times when he spotted a parrot. "What's your name," the robber asked. "Cocodora" said the parrot. "Now, what kind of idiot would name a bird Cocodora" said the robber. "The same idiot who named the rotweiler Jesus", said the parrot.
Who was the most powerful cat in China ?
Chairman Miaow !
Q: What dinosaur would you find in a rodeo? A: Bronco-saurus!
A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.
The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.
The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." *poof* It's done.
The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." *poof* It's done.
The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well." "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." *poof* It's done.
The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay." And he rides off on his motorcycle.
What do you call an ant from overseas ?
Impartant
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak ? Morse toad !
What dog rides a horse named Macaroni? Yankee poodle!
What's a frogs favourite flower ? A croakus !
What does a cow ride when his car is broken? A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle!