A lady was scolding her maid 4 her inefficiency. Angry maid: Atleast I'm better than youu in the bed. Lady(amazed): And my husband told u this ? Maid: No, the driver
Q: What is the difference between riding a bicycle and a woman? A: Riding a bicycle you fix your ass & move your legs, riding a woman you fix your legs & move your ass
Boy to girl: Darling, what is rape? Girl: It's the wrong man at the right place
An older couple is ready to go to sleep, so the old man lies on the bed but the old woman lies on the floor. The old man asks, "Why are you going to sleep on the floor?" The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change"
Q: What arte the 3 words men hate to hear during sex? A: Are U done? Q: What are the 3 words women hate to hear during sex? A: Honey, I am home
Santa was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the bartender's attention. He glanced at it and said, "It's a ladybug." After a moment of stunned silence Santa, "Good Lord, what incredible eyesight you have!"
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and a guitar ? A. You play at the top and finger the bottom...
The Doctor because he says; "Take your clothes off" The Dentist because he says; "Open wide" The Milkman because he says; "Do you want it in the front or the back" The Hairdresser because he says; "Do you want it teased or blown" The Interior Decorator because he says; "Once it's in, you'll love it" The Banker because he says; "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'I told you he was stupid'
A guy walks into a local pharmacy and walks up to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, "I'd like 99 condoms please". With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, "99 Condoms!?! Fuck me!" The guy replies, "Make it 100 then..."
Q:Why don't girls like to date basketball players? A: You never know if they're going to dribble or shoot
If you have 2 balls between your legs, then you are a man. But if you have 4 balls between your legs, don't think you are Super man; there's someone fucking you
Q: What do toys and tits have in common? A: They're both originally made for kids, but dads end up playing with them
Q: What do u call the organ of old men ? A: Floppy dicks
A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, "Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?" He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"
A waiter brings a lady her vegetable soup, and his thumb is hooked over the cup. She says, "Waiter, your thumb is in my soup." He says, "Yeah. I got arthritis and the heat makes it feel better." She says, "Well, why don't you stick it up your ass?" He says, "I do that in the kitchen."
According to research, the life of a smoker decreases by 5 minutes everytime he burns a cigarette. And every fuck increases man's life by 8 minutes. That implies that fucking smokers live forever
Three guys introduced to a girl. Hi, I am Peter-not a Saint. Second: I am Paul-not a Pope. Third: I am John- not a Baptist. The girl retorts back. Nice to see you all. I am Mary-not a Virgin
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
Santa and his wife, Jeeto are watching boxing on TV. Santa sighs and says, " I'm disappointed! It was all over in 2 minutes!" Jeeto retorts, "Good! Now you know how I feel!"
Q: What's the difference between a turtle on its back and a blonde on her's? A: Nothing. They're both screwed
A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together." "How dare you," said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!" "Well then," said the beggar, "What are you doing in my bed?"
Mum: did'nt I tell you that if a guy touches your boobd say, dont & if he touches ur pussy, say stop! Jill: but mum he touched both, so I said don't stop.
There's a scream from the bedroom. Santa runs in and there's a guy leaping out of the window. His wife, Jeeto, says, "Whaa! That guy just fucked me twice!" Santa says, "Twice? Why didn't you call me in after he fucked you once?" Jeeto says, "Because I thought it was you...until he started for the second one."
Q: Did you hear about the gay bank robber? A: He tied up the safe and blew the guard.
Woman participating in a survey was asked how she felt about condoms. She said, ?
Depends on what?s in it for me.?
Question: What is the difference between "hard" and "light"? Answer: You can get to sleep with a light on.
Q: Did you hear about the two gay judges ? A: They tried each other
What is similarity betweeen walking on the edge of Mount Everest and getting blow job from an 85-yr old woman? Whatever you do dont look down
A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it. "What happened?" asked the doctor. "I got stung between the first and second hole," replied the lady golfer. The doctor replied, "You must have an awfully wide stance!"
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man ? A: "How do you breath through something so small"
Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? A: Because they don't have balls to scratch
Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period ? A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her
A couple was in the bathroom getting ready to go to work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and nailed her. When he finished he started putting his clothes back on and saw his wife still writhing around against the door and he asked, "What's wrong honey? Didn't you come? Do you want more?" His wife said, "No, no, it's not that. I'm just trying to get the doorknob out of my ass.
Q: Why are condoms like cameras? A: They both capture the moment
Teacher: Use "harrasment" in a sentence. Johnnie: Her mouth said no but "her ass meant yes
Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me I'm going in!
Q: Did you hear about the new edition of Playboy for married men? A: It has the same centerfold every month
Question: Why is masturbation better than sex? Answer: Because you can see what you are doing!
Q: What is the definition of a menstrual period ? A: A bloody waste of fucking time