A kiss is called: Humanity if its on cheek, Love if its on lips, Passion if its on breast, Sensuous if its on navel, Sex if its on vagina, and Bravery if its on asshole...
Q: What is the definition of old age? A: When it takes the whole night to do what you used to do the whole night!
Q: What's an Australian kiss? A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under
Q: Do you know why old gynaecologists are in the demand? A: Because they have trembling fingers
Q: What's the similarity between a man and an uppercase Q? A: They're both big fat zeroes with little dicks hanging off them
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction? A: A teabag
Santa giving speech to deaf people, rubs chest, touches groin and starts masturbating. When asked, he said, "It means ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure..."
Q: Why does law of society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service
A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing.....
A husband and a wife were fighting about their sex life. The hubby complains, "You never tell me when you are having an orgasm?" The wife replies, "How can I? You are never here."
Q: What's the best thing about a blowjob? A: Ten minutes of peace and quiet.
After unsuccessful attempts to land the plane airhostess was repeatdly saying we are on outskirts. Santa shouted when will we enter the skirts ?
Q: What's hard and hairy on the outside, soft and wet in the middle, that starts with a C and ends in a T? A: A coconut
Santa to Preeto: SMS me than SMS me. Preeto: What is that? Santa: Stimulate Me sexually than Satiate ME Sexually
Man goes to hospital for a periodic check-up, only to be told that he has cancer of the penis. He goes home and beats his wife and shouts angrily- I told you to stop smoking
A salesman knocks at the door of a home and it's answered by a 12yr old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, "Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?" To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?"
Santa reads a poster outside a police station "wanted for rape and murder cases." He goes in and says, "Sir I want to apply for the job on the poster !!!"
Q: What's the speed limit of sex ? A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around
Q: What is the similarity between men and mice? A: The pussy gets both of them in the end.
Santa's and Banta's secretary got pregnant. Santa was away at the time of the delievery. Banta faxed him: Twins born, mine one is dead
Q: Why do hunters make the best lovers? A: Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot
Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology? A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology
Q: Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel? A: She was trying to blow the horn
Three stages of sex during pregnancy: During the 1st trimester do it regular style, during the 2nd trimester do it doggie style, and during the last trimester do it wolf style. "What the heck is wolf style?" That's when you sit by the hole and howl!
"Just try to relax, this won't take long," said the gynecologist trying to calm the obviously nervous young blonde patient. "Haven't you ever been examined like this before?" he asked. "Yeah, sure," the blonde replied, "but not by a doctor!"
Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down and use a lubricant
Banta phoned his Doctor and frantically screamed. 'I swallowed a live bullet! What shall I do ? Doc replied, 'Drink lots of bean soup and stand in front of your mother-in-law...'
A blonde finally got his girlfriend into bed, and things were going hot and heavy. "Slow down, baby," she said. "Foreplay is an art." "You better get your canvas ready soon," he panted, "because I'm about to spill my paint!"
Q: What is the height of shock? A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman and suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside!
A woman walked into the pharmacy and asked for a vibrator. The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way." The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!"
Q: Why do women prefer old gynecologists ? A: Their shaky hands
Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a day as I have advised? Lady: Doctor, I thought you had said 3 males a day!!
Q: Whats the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? A: prostitute will stop screwin' you once your dead!
Q: Why do 99% of the girls have a bigger left breast? A: Because 99% of the guys are right handed.
Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has a cork in his ass. He says, "How'd you get a cork in your ass?" The other guy says, "I was walking along the beach and I tripped over a lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and then a red man in a turban came oozing out. He said, 'I ama Genie. I can grant u you only one wish.' And I said, 'No shit!'"
A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac." He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour." She says, "How much for all night?"
In a rape trial, the lawyer asked the victim, " Did you scream for help?" The victim replied, " Yes Sir!" The lawyer further enquired, "Did anyone come?" The victim shyly replied, " Yes Sir, first I did, then he did."
Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: They?re intended for the children, but it?s the men who usually end up playing with them
A judge who had never driven a car in his life was asked, "How can you rule on motor accidents without first-hand knowledge of driving?" He lisped, "It's really no handicap...
I also try rape cases."
Q: What's the definition of macho? A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy