Q: What is the difference between men and women? A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She responds, "No, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does"
Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many men still sleep with their wives !!!
A woman of 55, was undressing in front of her husband. Suddenly she smiled and said, "Dr. told me for a woman of my age, my breasts are in terrific shape!" Her husband looked at her and said, "Did he say anything about your big ass?" Without missing a beat she answered, "No dear, he didn't mention you at all"
My husband is in danger of losing his license to practice medicine. He was caught having sex with some of his patients. It's such a shame. He was the best veterinarian in town.
Santa in USA was masturbating looking towards the sky Banta: What are you he doing? Santa: I am makin love to my wife, Jeeto, through satelite
Q: Why was the gay guy fired from the sperm bank? A: Because he was caught drinking on the job
A man got on an elevator and there was a lady on it already, so he asks her, "Excuse me ma'am, can I smell your pussy?" She replies, "Hell no!" "Well then," he says, "It must be your feet!"
Q: Who makes more money, a hooker or a drug dealer? A: A hooker because a hooker can clean her crack and re-use it, a drug dealer can't.
A husband comes home with a half-gallon of ice cream and asks his wife if she wants some. "How hard is it?" she asks. About as hard as my dick." he replies. "Ok, then pour me some."
What do women do immediately after sex? 5% sleeps straight away 5% go to bathroom to wash 5% read book 85% go look for their vibrators!!
Santa and his wife, Jeeto had a bitter quarrel on the day of their wedding anniversary. Santa gave Jeeto a gift - a tombstone, with the inscription: HERE LIES MY WIFE - COLD AS EVER. Later the furious Jeeto bought a return present - also a tombstone in which the inscription read: HERE LIES MY HUSBAND - STIFF AT LAST.
Q:Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper
Friends are like underwear - always a comfort. Good friends are like condom - always protecting. Great friends are like viagra - lift you up when you are down
Q: Why was the mermaid wearing sea shells ? A: Because the "b" shells were to small!
Q: How can U tell that an Auto-mechanic had sex? A: One of his fingers is clean
Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job. A: After 5 years, the job still sucks.
There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door. "I'll get the door," says the first ovary. She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"No why?" asks the other ovary. "Because there two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"
Q: What's the ultimate embarrassment for a guy? A: Walking into a wall with an erection and breaking your nose
Prostitute: doc, my hole is too big. Doctor looks into the hole & says GOD...
GOD...
GOD... Prostitute: Why are you repeating the word God? Doctor: It was an ECHO!
Good girl: It's hard to be good. Bad girl: Yes. If it's not hard, it isn't any good.
Q: What is the similarity between a dick and a matchstick? A: Both have head without brains and they both flare up at slightest friction.
Q: What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common? A: They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!!
Mom asked her daughter who was about to get married, Do you know the meaning of Mangal Sutra? Daughter: Its a license to do Kama Sutra
Q: What frustrated Banta the most ? A: When his wife gave birth to twins and he is not able to find the father of the second child
"I must take every precaution not to get pregnant," said Jeeto. "But I thought you said your hubby had a vasectomy," Preeto responded. "He did. That's why I have to take every precaution"
Q: What's the definition of macho? A: Jogging home from your own vasectomy
Q: What's a birth control pill? A: The other thing a woman can put in her mouth to prevent pregnancy
Q: What do u call the organ of small men ? A: Compact dicks
A good discussion is like a miniskirt; Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject.
A lesbian goes to a gynecologist and the gynecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I've seen in ages." "Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."
Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist ? A: One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush
Q: What goes in dry, comes out wet, and gives warm satisfaction? A: Ao teabag
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years: I wonder how the girls are doing?"
Banta: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people. Doctor: Tell me about your problem. Banta: I just did, you stupid bastard
Q: How can you pick out a paranoid woman? A: She's the one putting a condom on her vibrator
Similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter - one screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart
Q: What is the difference between a postage stamp and a girl? A: One is mail fee and the other is female
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?
An older man was getting upset at paying a urologist to tell him what was wrong, only to be asked what seems to be the problem. The man answered, "I think I have Cabbage Disease." The Doctor scratched his head stating he never heard of that before and asked what the symptoms were. The man looked at the doctor and said, "The stem don't support the head!"