Santa, a small town prosecuting attorney, called his first witness to the stand in a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Kapoor, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Santa. I`ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you`ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you`re a rising big shot when you haven`t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." Santa was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Kapoor, do you know Banta, the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I`ve known Banta since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He`s lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can`t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know him." Banta was also surprised and shocked. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence and called Santa and Banta to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, you`ll be jailed for contempt."
Banta thought his wife, Preeto, was cheating on him. So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a taxi to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse. Banta says to the driver, who incidentally happens to be santa "Wanna make Rs 1000?" Santa says, "Sure, what I have to do?" Banta replied that all he has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the taxi and take them home. So Santa goes in. A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and Santa is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the taxi. Santa opens the door to the cab, throws the woman inside, and tells Banta, "Here hold her!!" Banta looks down at the woman and says to the driver, "This is not my wife". Santa replied, "I know, it's mine; I'm going back in for yours!!"
Santa is standing, pissing into a fountain in the middle of town. A cop comes up to him and says "Stop that and put it away!" Poor Santa shoves his dick into his pants and does up his zip. As the cop turns to go, the drunk Santa starts laughing "Okay, what`s so funny?" asks the cop. "Fooled you." says Santa, "I put it away, but I didn`t stop."
Santa and Banta had just gotten divorced and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to north as far as they could and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader`s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year."The trader got the gear together and on top of each one`s supplies, he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole.
Santa and Banta asked, "What`s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you`re going there are no women and you might need this." They said, "No way! We`ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don`t use them I`ll refund your money next year. "Okay," they said and left. The next year Santa guy came into the trader`s store and said, "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren`t you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah," said Santa . "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him," said Santa. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board!"
Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and Santa panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Santa, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". Santa stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Mr and Mrs Banta`s friend, Santa, is visiting from out-of-state, when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him from traveling. Since Bantas` have no guest room, he states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his way in the morning. "Nonsense," says Banta`s wife, Preeto. "Our bed is plenty big enough for all three of us, and we`re all friends here." Banta concurs, and before long they`re settled in: Banta in the middle, Preeto on his left, and Santa on his right. After a while, Banta begins snoring, and his wife, Preeto sneaks over to Santa`s side of the bed, and invites him to have sex with her Naturally, Santa`d like to, but he`s reluctant. "We`re in the same bed with your husband, Banta! He`ll wake up, and he`ll kill me." "Don`t worry about it," Preeto says, "he`s such a sound sleeper, he`ll never notice. If you don`t believe me, just yank a hair off of his ass. He won`t even wake up." So the friend yanks a hair off Banta`s anus, and sure enough, she`s right. Banta sleeps right through having a hair yanked out of his ass. So, Preeto and Santa have sex, and then she goes back to her side of the bed. After about twenty minutes, though, she`s back on his side of the bed, asking Santa to do it again. The same argument follows, another hair is yanked from Banta`s corn hole, and again they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night, until after about the sixth time, when Preeto goes back to her side. Banta rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don`t mind that you`re shagging my wife, but do you really have to use my asshole as your scoreboard?"
Banta, "I don`t know what to get my wife for her birthday, she has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I`m stumped." Santa, "I have an idea, why don`t you make up a certificate saying she can have 90 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it, she`ll probably be thrilled." The next day Santa asks, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said Banta. "Did she like it?" Santa asked. "Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door, yelling "I`ll be back in an hour and a half!!"
Santa and Jeeto were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 10th wedding anniversary. Jeeto said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon." "As you wish," said Santa. "Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jeeto. "Ok," said Santa. "And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jeeto. "That's right," said Santa, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"
Santa with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor, Dr Banta and asks him what he can do. Dr Banta replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage. Santa agrees, and so Banta warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. Dr Banta then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours. So, Santa goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls Jeeto, his wife, over and tells her what to do. Jeeto nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home. Suddenly Santa screams, "DAMN!" "What`s the matter?" asks Jeeto. "Did I hurt you?" "No," replies Santa man, "but I just realized that when Dr Banta did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"
Three people, 2 men and Mrs Santa, Jeeto, and their dogs are in the Vets waiting room.
The first man`s dog asked the second man`s dog, "What you are here for?" They are putting me down." Oh no, says the first dog, why? The second dog says,"Well, you see... I`ve been chasing the Postman for years. Yesterday, I finally caught him, and bit him. So, I`m going to be put to sleep. The second dog says, "Well, my master just completely remodeled the inside of his house. I didn`t like it because my scent wasn`t anywhere, anymore. So, when he went to bed last night, I pissed on everything I could find, to get my scent back. This morning, my master found out what I had done, so he is putting me to sleep also." Then they asked Santa`s dog, "What you are here for?" Santa`s dog, "She is Mrs Santa. She runs around the house all the time without her clothes on. This makes me very horny. So, this morning, as she was getting out of the shower, and bent over to wipe up the water on the floor. I couldn`t stand it anymore, so I jumped on her a gave it to her good!" The other dogs say, "So` that`s why they are putting you to sleep?" "No", says the dog, "She brings me here to get my toenails clipped!"
Mrs Santa, Mrs Banta, and one of their friend Mrs Jugnu were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their husbands. Mrs Jugnu said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does." Mrs Banta, giggled and confessed, "I call my husband, Banta, the miner because of his incredible shaft." Mrs Santa quietly sipped her drink until her friends asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?" She frowned and said, "The postman." "Why the postman?" "Because he always delivers late, and half the time it`s in the wrong box."
Santa was hunting in Bhatinda recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a pigeon he had shot. A farmer came and asked Santa what he was doing on his property. "Retrieving this pigeon that I just shot", he replied. "That pigeon is on my side of the fence, so now its mine," replied the farmer.
Santa asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No", replied the farmer, "I don`t know, and I don`t care." "I am Santa, a famous lawyer from Ludhiana", came the reply. And if you don`t let me get that pigeon, I can sue you for your farm, your tractor, and everything else you own. I`ll leave you penniless on the street." "Well," said the farmer, "In Bhatinda the only law we go by is the kicks law." "Never heard of it," said Santa. The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back 3 times, that pigeon is yours." Santa thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take this old farmer. "Fair enough," he said. So the farmer kicked Santa violently in the groin. As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs. After several moments, Santa slowly made it back to his feet. "Alright, now it`s my turn," said Santa. "Aw, forget it," said the farmer. "You can have the pigeon."
The newlyweds, Santa and Jeeto, were suffering from exhaustion. After an examination, their doctor advised, "It's not unusual for young people to overdo things during the first weeks of marriage. What you both need is rest. For the next month I want you to limit your sex life to those days of the week with an "R" in them. That is, Thursday, Friday and Saturday." Since the end of the week was approaching, Santa and Jeeto had no immediate difficulty following the medico's orders. But on the first night of scheduled rest Jeeto found herself eager as a beaver. Santa fell asleep, but she tossed and turned and finally nudged him into partial wakefulness. Expecting daylight, and confused with the darkness, he asked, "What day is it honey?" Jeeto looks at him with a gleam in her eyes and says, "Mondray."
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for Santa reading his paper. Santa peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me f**k you for a fifty rupee?" "Certainly not!" exclaimed young lady, and Santa returned to his paper. A short while later Santa looked across again and said "Would you let me f**k you for ten thousand rupees?" After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again Santa returned to his newspaper. A few minutes later Santa asked "Would you let me f**k you for Rs 20?" "Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "We`ve already established that" replied Santa, "We`re just haggling over the price!"
A newcomer to the political scene was campaigning in thebackwoods for the Loksabha elections Outside a ramshacklehouse, he saw Banta milking a cow. He approached him,ready to make his pitch for a vote. Just as he was getting started, Santa called frominside the house. "Oye, Banteya, get in the house. And who is thatguy you are talking to?" "Says he is a politician" Banta said. "In that case, you do better bring the cow inside withyou."
Santa in a restaurant orders the house special. An old waiter brings out the order beginning with some hot soup. Santa notices the waiter has his thumb in the soup. Feeling sorry for the old man he doesn`t mention it, and leaves the soup uneaten. When he brings the main course his thumb is in the potatoes. Then in the coffee. Finally, he angrily asks the waiter why he has his thumb in all his hot food. The waiter says, "I have arthritis and the doctor told me to keep it in something warm." Santa says, "why don`t you stick it up your ass!" And the waiter says , "I do that in the kitchen!"
Santa walks into a bar and sees his friend Banta slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Banta what's wrong. "Well," replies Banta, "you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?" "Yes," replies Santa with a laugh. "Well," says Banta, straightening up, "I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed." "That's great!" says Santa, "When are you going out?" "I went to meet her this evening," continues Banta, "but I was worried I'd get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show." "That's sensible" says Santa. "So I get to her door," says Banta, "and I rang her doorbell. She answered in the sheerest negligee and..." "And what happened then?" Santa asked. Banta slumps back over the bar again and said, "I kicked her in the face."
A mother had three daughters and, on their wedding night, she tells each one to write back about their married life.
To avoid possible embarrassment to their new husbands by openly discussing their love lives, the mother and daughters agree to use newspaper advertisements as a `code` to let the mother know how their love lives are going. The first one gets married and the second day the letter arrives with a single message, simply: `Tata Tea`. The mother got the newspaper and checked the Maxwell House advertisement, and it says, `Satisfaction to the last drop...` So the mother is happy. Then the second daughter gets married. After a week, there was a message that read: `Sleepwell`s Mattresses`. So the mother looks at the Mattresses ad, and it says, `Full size, king size`. And the mother is happy. Then it comes to the third one, Jeeto`s wedding. Mother is anxious. She was married to Santa After four weeks came the message: `Punjab Airways`. And the mother looks into the Punjab Airways ad, but this time she fainted. The ad reads: `Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.`
Santa lived in an apartment building and had to walk down the hall every morning to get his mail. One morning while getting his mail, his new neighbor slinked out of her apartment towards him and as she leaned over to get her mail her robe opened a bit. Santa could hardly beleive it, she wasn`t wearing a thing under her robe. The woman leaned closer to Santa and said good morning.
This time her robe opened up completely. She purred to Santa that she hadn`t had a man in years. Santa could hardly keep eye contact when she said she heard someone coming and that they should go back to her apartment. They went inside and she let the robe fall to the floor. "What do you think my best feature is?", she asked Santa stuttered and drueled a bit and finally said, "Your ears." "What do you mean my ears, look at me. I have round perfect breasts, a nice tight ass and legs to die for what on earth made you say EARS!!! "Well," said Santa "In the hall you said you heard someone coming, that was me!!!
Santa's wife, Jeeto, made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family. "We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably. "I'm sure we´ll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her. "If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table." "Well, all right, doctor," agreed Jeeto, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
A man is driving down a country road, when he spots Santa standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Santa is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to our Santa and asks him, "Ah excuse me sir, but what are you doing?" Santa replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize." "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."
Santa was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly, he saw a car coming towards him and stop. Santa, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door and only then realized that there`s nobody behind the wheel! The car starts very slowly. Santa looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray, begging for his life. He hasn`t come out of shock when, just before the car hits the curve, a hand appears thru the window and moves the wheel. Santa, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are approaching a curve. Santa, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs all the way to the nearest town. Wet and in shock he goes into a bar, asks for two shots of whiskey, and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he just went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize that Santa was crying and wasn`t drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked in the same bar and one said to the other, "Look, that`s the asshole that got in the car while we were pushing it!"
There were these two not so bright guys, Santa and Banta, who had to get across the desert. Since they didn't have enough money for a car so they decided to buy a camel. The camel dealer promised them that the camel would get them across the desert if they made sure he was full of water before they left. They took the camel down to the water hole, but the camel would not drink. Santa says, "I have a idea, why don't I hold his head down in the water and you suck on his butt. That way the water will be drawn up into him like a straw." Banta thought about this for a while and finally agreed. After a while Santa asks, "Well is it working?" Banta replied, "I think it is going to work, but you have to pick his head up just a little because I'm just getting mud."
Powerfully built Santa meets a woman at a bar in Ludhiana. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, Santa stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That`s 50 kg of dynamite!" She begins to drool. Santa drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder`s pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That`s 50 kg of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. Santa catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?" She replies, "With 100 Kg of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
Santa goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle", replies Santa. "A fottle? That's stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies Santa. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says Santa... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
Santa and Banta head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Santa says to Banta, `Let`s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot Rs 500 on the lowest score for the day.` Banta agrees and they enjoy a great game. After the 8th hole, Banta is ahead by 1 stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. "Help me find my ball; you look over there," he says to Santa. After 5 minutes, neither has had any luck, and since a lost ball carries a four-point penalty, Banta pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "I`ve found my ball!" he announces triumphantly. Santa looks at him forlornly, "After all the years we`ve been friends, you`d cheat me on golf for a measly five hundred?" "What do you mean cheat? I found my ball sitting right here!" "And a liar, too!", Santa says with amazement. `I`ll have you know I`ve been standing on your ball for the last five minutes!`"
Santa got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual was about to happen. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o`clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes - that was it! Santa grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! Santa hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win. The horse ran third.
Santa and Banta meet in the street. Santa looked dejected and almost on the verge of tears. Banta said, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?" Santa said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me fifty lacs." "That`s not bad." "Hold on, I`m just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew died and left me twenty lacs." "I`d like that." "Last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost a million." "The how come you look so glum?" "This week - nothing!"
Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship. He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker's end!" One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullrt hits the bulls eye!" Santa's son said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00!"
Santa and Banta were sitting in a coffee shop...suddenly the Town`s Fire Alarm went off. Santa jumped up and headed for the door. Banta shouted, "Hey, Santa, I didn`t know you were a fireman!" Santa replied, "I`m not, but my girlfriend`s husband is..."
Santa has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry. So he decides to give each one Rs.10000 and see how each of them spends it. The first one goes out and gets a total makeover with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells Santa, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much." The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to Santa. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much." The third one takes the Rs 10000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the Rs 10000 to Santa and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest boobs.
Santa walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to Santa that they don`t sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, Santa assures the pharmacist that he has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I`m sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don`t have any." "But I always get it here," says Santa. "Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the pharmacist. "YES!", said Santa, "I`ll go home and get it." Santa returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to him, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." Annoyed, Santa snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM"
A taxi passenger tapped the driver, Santa, on the shoulder to ask him a question. Santa screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then Santa said, "Look sir, don`t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn`t realize that a little tap would scare you so much." Santa replied, "Sorry, it`s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I`ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.
Santa and Banta are walking home after a night on the piss. They've got no money to get a taxi and are staggering all over the place when they find themselves outside the bus depot. Santa has a brainwave and says to Banta, "Get in there and steal a bus so we can drive home and I'll stay out here and look out for the police". Banta breaks into the garage and is gone for twenty minutes while Santa is wondering what the hell he's doing. Eventually Santa sticks his head around the door and sees Banta running from bus to bus and looking very worried. "What the hell are you doing, get a move on!" To which Banta replies, "I can't find a number 25B anywhere". Whereupon Santa, holding his hands to his head in disbelief, shouts, "You idiot, steal a number 27 and we'll get off at the roundabout and walk the rest of the way!"
Santa was distressed with his thirteen-year old son, Pappu's preoccupation with breasts. He would repeatedly point to attractive girls and whisper, "Hey, Dad, look at the boobs on that one!" Santa finally took the boy to a psychiatrist, who assured him that just one day's intensive therapy could cure the boy. When the session was over, Santa and son walked several blocks to a bus stop. Pappu remained silent as they passed a number of pretty girls. As they boarded the bus, Santa was inwardly complimenting the psychiatrist. Then Pappu tugged at his sleeve and whispered, "Hey, Dad, look at the ass on the bus driver!"
Three guys were trying to sneak into the Asian Games Village at Busan, South Korea to scoop souvenirs and autographs. The first says, "Let`s watch the registration table to see if there`s a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in."Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states, "Fan Zhiyi. China. Shotput."He opens his gym bag to display a shotput to the registration attendant.
The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Fan Zhiyi. Here is your packet of registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic events, meal tickets, and other information."The first guy gets inspired and grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and roots, walks up the registration table and states: "Chang Koehan. North Korea. Javelin."The attendant says, "Very good, Mr. Koehan. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, passes, meal tickets, and so forth. Good luck!" The second guy grabs a street utility manhole cover, walks up to the registration table and states: "Hidetoshi Nakata. Japan. Discus." The attendant says, "Terrific, Mr. Nakata. Here is your packet of registration materials, hotel keys, a full set of passes, and meal tickets. Enjoy yourself." They scamper in, but suddenly realize that Banta is missing. They forgot to make sure he doesn`t do something stupid and blow their cover stories. Just then Santa walks proudly up to the table with a roll of barbed wire under his arm and states: "Banta. Hoshiarpur, Punjab. FENCING."
A man-eating tiger is rampant in a region of Garhwal(a region in India). Two famous hunters- Santa and Banta are called to hunt the beast down. 10 days go by with no luck. This is when Banta decides to change his hunting plan. Says Banta,"Main gaa de khal pa ke jaana, pher sher menu khaan aavega, te main us nu maar davan ga" (I`ll hide inside a cow`s hide, and shoot the tiger thru it`s mouth when it comes to eat me) So Banta leaves for the Jungle hiding inside the cow hide, with his rifle sticking out of the cows mouth. A day goes by, no sign of Banta, a week later Santa gets worried, and a search party is sent to find him. They do find him ... stripped off his camouflage ... lying face first on the ground. The rifle is lying a few feet away. Santa is worried, he runs up to Banta ... gives him a shake and asks, "kee hoya Banteya ... Sher aaya se"?(What happened Babta,
Did the tiger come?) Banta`s feeble response is "phenchod Sher taan nahin aaya ... par eh das ... Saand kene khulla chadya si?" (Tiger didn`t show up, but tell me ... who left the Bull loose?)
Santa goes to consult a famous specialist about his medical problem. "How much do I owe you?" "My fee is Rs 500," replies the physician. "Five hundred? That`s impossible." "In your case," the doctor replies, "I suppose I could adjust my fee to Rs 300." "Three hundred for one visit? Ridiculous." "Well, then, could you afford Two hundred?" "Who has so much money?" "Look," replies the doctor, growing irritated, "Just give me Fifty rupees and be gone." "I can give you Twenty rupees only." says Santa, "Take it or leave it." "I don`t understand you," says the doctor. "Why did you come to the most expensive doctor in This Friggin` town?" "Listen, Doctor," says Santa. "When it comes to my health, nothing is too expensive."
Santa and Banta are running a store and decide to have a big blow-out clearance sale. Within 3 hours, everything is sold from the store. Santa says to Banta, "Well, what now? We`ve sold everything." Banta replies, "Don`t worry, there`s this really stupid guy who comes in here everyday. We`ll have a few laughs on him." Sure enough, about 15 minutes later, the stupid guy comes walking in, hands in pockets, looking around. "Tell me guys," asks the guy, "What have you guys got for sale today?" Santa says, "Well we`re having a sale on assholes!" The guy says, "Well, you must be doing pretty good. You only got two left!"
Santa walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches. "Can I help you, Sir?" "Yesssh! Ssssshomebody ssshtole my car!" santa replies. The cop asks, "Where was the car the last time you saw it?" "It wassss at the end of thissss key!" Santa answers. About that time, the officer looks down and sees Santa`s penis is hanging out of his fly for all the world to see. He says to Santa, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?" Shocked Santa looks down and, without missing a beat, moans, "OHHHH GOD....
They got my girlfriend, too!!!"