Why is Hollywood full of vampires? They need someone to play the bit parts.
What do you get when you cross a telephone with a pair of pants? Bell-bottoms!
Three men: an editor, a photographer, and a journalist are covering a political convention in Miami. They decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant you each one wish."The photographer went first. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in St. Thomas with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The journalist went next. "I would like to spend the rest of my life living on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean with no money worries." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the editor's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie. "I want them both back after lunch" replied the editor, "the deadline for tomorrow's newspaper is in about ten hours.
What did the answering machine say to the telephone? Take my word for it.
You need to log on to the window repair website! I did - but it gave me a pane!
Who runs the 100 acre wood website? www.innie the pooh.
What's blue and sings alone? - Dan Ackroyd.
When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!
How come you never write e-mails? I'd rather send a note!
Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper? A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.
Mad men are given a test to prove they are getting normal their teacher draws a door on the wall and orders them to go out. They tart fighting but one remains sitting and the teacher goes to him and asks why he didn't join others and he says "let them fight they forgot I have the keys"
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no and the executioner shouts, 'Ready! Aim! ' Suddenly the brunette yells, 'EARTHQUAKE! ! ! ' Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes. The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, 'Ready! Aim! ' Suddenly the redhead yells, 'TORNADO! ! ! ' Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! Aim! ' and the blonde yells, 'FIRE! ! ! ''
Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!
Teacher: Don't forget to check the Internet if you have trouble with your homework questions.
Pupil: It's not the questions I have trouble with, it's the answers.
Why does a mother carry her baby? The baby can't carry the mother.
Q. What do Fred Flintstone and Osama Bin Laden have in common? A. They both look out their caves and see rubble.
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, "Who's a pretty boy then?"
I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.
Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep-is this a choice? -Jerry Seinfeld
What do vampires put at the bottom of their e-mails? Best viscious.
How did the telephones get married? In a double ring ceremony!